Daedreams

CSTS Tickets on Sale for Portland!!

2008-06-11T06:42:50Z

Tickets are now on sale for the PDX Browncoats' annual Can't Stop the Serenity charity screenings!

Visit us on June 20 & 21 at the historic Hollywood Theater.

http://tinyurl.com/5tufcp

Call everyone you've ever met!

Ficlet: Sense and Sensitivity

2008-05-12T20:43:54Z

Series: Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts
Title: Part 6 - Sense and Sensitivity (stand-alone)
Author: daedreams (aka: daedream_fanbot)
Characters: Ianto, Jack/Ianto
Setting/Spoilers: Set anytime; no spoilers
Rating: PG-13 for implied sexual situations
Word Count: 724
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Summary: Ianto can sense Jack.

A/N: I know it's been a couple weeks since I posted one of these. I just couldn't get this one right. I'm happier with this now than I was a couple weeks ago. During that time, I've been working on other parts of this series - longer stories to be posted later on. Until then, we continue...

Sense and Sensitivity
by daedreams

Ianto watched Jack. Saw him take command, even if it wasn't really necessary. Sometimes Ianto thought that Jack would give orders simply to see if the team would follow them. It was like a little private game. Jack really enjoyed being the boss. Maybe just a little too much. That's okay. Ianto didn't mind taking orders. He was good at it. Especially when they were alone and the orders were more like, "Don't move," and "Harder." Ianto loved the look on Jack's face when he took charge. His brow and voice and would be firm and unyielding, but there was a sparkle in his eyes. A brightness that let Ianto know that he could say no whenever he wanted. Ianto never said no.

Ianto listened to Jack. Heard his stories and made a conscious decision just to believe them all, because it was too exhausting trying to figure out what was the truth and what was fabricated. Ianto's own stories of adolescent shoplifting and vandalism were no match for Jack's tales, so Ianto usually kept quite and let Jack talk. Jack had no problem with that. The man did like to hear his own voice. But so did Ianto, so it was a win-win. Jack was always voicing something, even if it wasn't with words. When Ianto was able to get the man to shut up, Jack would communicate with sounds. Approving sounds that consisted of hard groans and desperate whimpers. When Jack couldn't use words, he vocalized every emotion and movement with sounds that had Ianto quivering even more than the words.

Ianto smelled Jack. He tried to be subtle about it, but whenever they were standing near each other, which was quite a lot these days, Ianto would close his eyes and just sniff. He felt quite silly and hoped that no one noticed him, but he really couldn't help it. Jack had that "Jack" smell that seemed to curl Ianto's toes. A combination of spice and the sea air. Something sharp at first but it would settle into soothing and creep through Ianto's entire body until he was relaxed and a little too spacey. And that was just at work. When they were alone, with skin touching and breath hot and desperate, Jack's scent changed. Ianto's nose would be assaulted with a heavy musk that would wrap around his insides, warming him from the core, and he would press his face into Jack's neck and groan.

Ianto tasted Jack. During the day, the flavor in Jack's mouth was pure coffee, thick and rich, and Ianto could get a caffeine buzz simply by swiping their tongues together. He longed for the quick secret kisses in the vaults or at the coffee station or in any darkened corner. He would grab hold of Jack's flavor and take it with him the rest of the day until he could get Jack alone and naked and taste his skin. Oh, his skin. Ianto had his tongue on Jack at every opportunity. As if his skin had become some necessary element that Ianto needed to survive. Jack was thick and heavy and tasted like he smelled, spicy and salty with musky undertones that Ianto would combine with coffee after the sex and his taste buds would explode.

Ianto didn't touch Jack. He waited until Jack touched him. And when Jack did, Ianto's would went afire. He burned from the inside, a desire so built into his core that he would scream as it escaped. Heat would pour from his body through his fingertips and mouth and cock and wherever Jack had his hands on him. His skin would melt and he would sigh and groan and pray for Jack to make it stop and never stop just never stop touching him. Jack killed Ianto with arson as hands slid over him and into him and bruised him and scorched him and oh god Jack was the sun and Ianto was completely burned.

Ianto's body twitched. Every day he was so overcome with the very being of Jack. Jack seeped into him and became a part of him so completely that Ianto didn't know if he could exist on his own anymore. And Jack would smile at him, across a room, and Ianto knew, with every fiber of his being he knew, that Jack sensed him too.

End

Ficlet: RM W/ A VU

2008-04-23T19:34:43Z

Series: Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts
Title: Part 5 - RM W/ A VU (stand-alone)
Author: daedreams (aka: daedream_fanbot)
Characters: Ianto, Ianto/Lisa
Setting/Spoilers: Set pre-series w/ spoilers for 1.04
Rating: all ages
Word Count: 470
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Summary: Ianto tries to comfort Lisa.

RM W/ A VU
by daedreams

Ianto flipped the final switch and the lights dimmed momentarily as the machine whirred to life. He let out a deep breath that he didn't know he had been holding, then slowly backed away and leaned against the grungy wall. Closing his eyes, he sank down the wall, slumped his shoulders and waited.

A few minutes or a few hours later, Lisa's voice woke him from his fitful slumber. "Ianto?"

He scrambled up clumsily and was holding her hand in an instant. "Lisa? Oh, Lisa, we did it. We're here. How do you feel?"

Her eyes skittered about, trying to see everything she could from her vantage point. "I'm fine," she finally answered, but Ianto knew she was lying. "Is this it? We're back at Torchwood?"

"In Cardiff, yes."

Lisa smiled. "You always promised you'd bring me here one day."

"This wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

"It isn't quite how you described it. I was hoping for that cottage in the countryside you promised me."

Ianto moved closer to her and brushed the back of his hand across her cheek, shuttering slightly at the odd combination of warm skin and cold metal. "What are you talking about? This is it -- our dream. Can't you tell?" He lowered his voice to a soothing whisper. "We're so far away from everything, all we can hear are the birds and rustle of wind-swept grass. We're in our bedroom, can't you see? We chose this small bed so we would always be close when we slept. And here's that quilt your grandmother gave us for the wedding, remember? And look, just there, those silly pink curtains with the yellow flowers and crooked hem that you insisted on making yourself.

"Then look. See beyond that? The green hillside just outside the window. We picnic out there in the summer and sled down it in the winter. Listen. Hear that? It's the brook, just on the other side. Our own private stream, and we make love there more often than in this bed."

Ianto tried to subtly wipe away his tears before he continued.

"And just a mile away, that stream opens up and gets wider and deeper and that's where we teach the children to swim. And later, much later, we watch our grandkids run over that hill and into our waiting arms and we give them lemonade and embarrass them with kisses.

"Can't you see, Lisa? We're here. We made it." Ianto forced his look from his fantasy back down to Lisa and saw she had fallen asleep again.

He kissed her gently on the lips and watched her for awhile longer. Eventually he let go of her hand and backed out of the dim, dirty room, locking it behind him. Securing inside his love, his future, and his own lies and broken promises.

End

Ficlet: I Fall to Pieces

2008-04-20T23:29:32Z

Series: Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts
Title: Part 4 - I Fall to Pieces (stand-alone)
Author: daedreams (aka: daedream_fanbot)
Characters: Ianto, Jack/Ianto
Setting/Spoilers: Set around the beginning of 1.05, Small Worlds
Rating: all ages
Word Count: 283
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Summary: Ianto gets dressed and tries to keep it together.

I Fall to Pieces
by daedreams

I haven't always been this together. There was a time, during my adolescence, when the thought of wearing a tailored pressed suit, like my father had done every day of his life, would have been beyond ludicrous.

But now, just after getting up in the morning, I carefully lay out my trousers, shirt, jacket, and tie. And as I slip on the layers, one by one, I feel far less naked, far less exposed, and far less like I'm about to fall to pieces.

It's just my third day back after my suspension, and I'm still wondering why I'm making the effort. Wasn't it all a ruse? Just a means to an end. The grunt work, the happy facade, the putting up with Owen, the flirting. All for Lisa. But no more Lisa, yet I still cover myself in heavy fabrics and guilt.

I'm not fooling anyone any more. Except myself. But perhaps, just maybe, if the tie stays tight around my neck and the cuff links stay closed around my wrists, then I can keep myself together. Not let out the rats that are gnawing at my stomach. If I can just get on for one more day, then maybe tomorrow I'll be able to continue keeping it together.

Or maybe I'll just fall apart. Piece by piece.

Then he puts his hand on my shoulder. I almost jump at the snap that I feel, thinking that it's over now, I've shattered. But then I breathe and I'm still here and it's back to work.

Work is what keeps me solid. It's work, isn't it? Couldn't possibly be hope. Hope that he'll place a hand on me again. And keep me whole.

Ficlet: In the Dark

2008-04-18T16:48:46Z

Series: Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts
Title: Part 3 - In the Dark (stand-alone)
Author: daedreams (aka: daedream_fanbot)
Characters: Ianto
Setting/Spoilers: 1.06, Countycide
Rating: PG for minor angst
Word Count: 197
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Summary: Ianto doesn't know what's happening.

In the Dark
by daedreams

It was loud, but there wasn't any noise. The sound was coming from inside his head. Like a waterfall, he could hear his blood rushing through his body. Then there was pain, like his head had exploded, but clearly it hadn't because he was still here, in the dark.

He tried to breath, but tasted dirt and thickness and blood. There was something in his mouth, and his view was obstructed by something rough and heavy. His arms were bound behind his back, and his ankles were strapped together. Helpless. As consciousness finally came back to him completely, so did the fear. Then he heard the sounds outside of his head. The laughter, the rustling plastic, the heavy breathing that was not his own.

They were people. Just people. No alien threat, no special weapons needed. And here he was, on the hard bloody floor of a human meat factory, not knowing if Tosh had found help. Not knowing if the others were wounded or killed or ... eaten.

He was dirty. He was scared. He couldn't see, and he couldn't breath. And he had no idea what was going to happen. He was completely in the dark.

END

Fic: Lonely Hearts

2008-04-13T03:25:16Z

Series: Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts
Title: Part 2 - Lonely Hearts (stand-alone)
Author: daedreams (aka: daedream_fanbot)
Characters: Ianto, Jack/Ianto
Setting/Spoilers: Set after 1.07, Greeks Bearing Gifts
Rating: PG for minor angst
Word Count: 277
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Summary: Ianto contemplates a possible relationship

Lonely Hearts
by daedreams

I can't imagine a time when this isn't everything.

A few days later, Ianto stood in the doorway to Jack's office. Jack wasn't there. No one was in the Hub. Most everyone had gone home, and Jack was out hunting a Weevil. So Ianto stood, looking at the empty room, wishing he could feel useful.

He could have gone on the Weevil hunt with Jack. But Jack hadn't thought to ask, and Ianto was in no position to request a field assignment. So he was left alone to feel his pain.

As he leaned on the door frame though, he began to think of the times when the pain wasn't there. When it wasn't everything. And all those times, every moment, was when he was with Jack. For just a moment. When their fingers brushed. When Jack's look lingered just a little too long. When he woke up in the water with the taste of Jack on his lips.

And then the real kiss. The one in this office that left his knees weak and his mind empty. It was enough to make his heart ache. But not in pain. He longed for more. Needed to feel useful. Needed to be needed.

He knew that Jack was lonely too. The Captain would never admit it, but he was clearly a man who had lost so much in his time. There had to be a way to mend their lonely hearts. To find a partnership of some kind that would allow them each to be whole in their own way.

For now, Ianto simply leaned in the doorway, waiting for that time when the pain wasn't so constant.

END

Fic: City of...

2008-04-12T04:59:43Z

Series: Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts
Title: Part 1 - City of...
Author: daedreams (aka: daedream_fanbot)
Characters: Ianto, Ianto/Lisa (implied)
Setting/Spoilers: Set after Ianto's story in 2.12, Fragments
Rating: G, All ages
Word Count: 327
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Summary: Perhaps Ianto isn't quite prepared for what he just got himself into.

City of...
by daedreams

Exiting the warehouse, Ianto let the rain wash away his tears. He rounded several corners before he finally collapsed in a puddle, effectively ruining his carefully chosen suit. As the rain began falling harder, he tilted his head up and let the cold wetness numb his face.

Here he was, in the city of his birth. Twenty-two years from when he started. It really wasn't that long ago that his life was all about comic books and football. Then his parents had died when he was twelve and he was sent to stay with his Nan. A women who loved her own son too much and hated the woman he had married, so took her ambiguity out on her grandson. Ianto was suddenly in a new school with no friends and an empty home. He left his Nan at seventeen and let London swallow him.

Until he met her. A women so beautiful, so intelligent and Ianto was the luckiest man on earth that she loved him. She had charmed her boss, an overly friendly woman called Yvonne, to get him a position where she worked, despite his lack of qualifications, and for two years it was perfect.

Then his universe was crushed and he wasn't ready. He didn't know how to be anything else, how to do anything else, but love Lisa. And that had led him here. To a strange man who wasn't quite as easy to manipulate as he had originally thought. But it had worked in the end.

But being offered the sought-after, and very vague, job as he walked away had brought him to tears. Because now there was no turning back. He had become the man that would define the rest of his life. And he wasn't quite sure if he was going to like being that man.

So he sat, in the rain, becoming numb from the cold, in the city of his birth. In the city of his betrayal.

END

Master List - Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts

2008-04-12T04:43:13Z

Well here goes.

This is a challenge I gave myself. It all started when I named one of my Torchwood fics "A Hole in the World," which is, as most of you know, a title of an Angel episode. So that, combined with my current complete and total obsession with Ianto Jones, has prompted a new muse to enter my life and drop plot bunnies (some cute, some aggressive and violet) into my head.

So I call this challenge Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts. It is going to be 110 short stories (ranging from drabbles to long one-shots) with Ianto has the central character. Why 110 parts? Because each fic will have the title of an Angel episode. All 110 Angel episodes. Gulp.

This is not a Torchwood/Angel crossover. It's simply a personal challenge to start with a story name and develop a story around it. That's all.

The stories will not follow any particular timeline. Some will be episode-related and some will be AU. Some will tie into others and some will stand completely on their own. While they are all Ianto-centric, most are also Jack/Ianto pairings, because...well - you know.

Here is my official list. I will link to each story as it is posted. I have no idea how long this will take me. As of this first posting, I have 5 of them complete (not including "A Hole in the World" which I'm also considering part of this chart), three started, and dozens of plot bunnies twitching their little noses.

Ianto Jones: A Character Study in 110 Parts
MASTER LIST

1. City of...
2. Lonely Hearts
3. In the Dark
4. I Fall to Pieces
5. RM W/ A VU
6. Sense & Sensitivity
7. Bachelor Party
8. I Will Remember You
9. Hero
10. Parting Gifts
11. Somnambulist
12. Expecting
13. She
14. I've Got You Under My Skin
15. The Prodigal
16. The Ring
17. Eternity
18. Five by Five
19. Sanctuary
20. War Zone
21. Blind Date
22. To Shanshu in L.A.
23. Judgement
24. Are You Know or Have You Ever Been
25. First Impressions
26. Untouched
27. Dear Boy
28. Guise Will Be Guise
29. Darla
30. The Shroud of Rahmon
31. The Trial
32. Reunion
33. Redefinition
34. Blood Money
35. Happy Anniversary
36. The Thin Dead Line
37. Reprise
38. Epiphany
39. Disharmony
40. Dead End
41. Belonging
42. Over the Rainbow
43. Through the Looking Glass
44. There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb
45. Heartthrob
46. That Vision Thing
47. That Old Gang of Mine
48. Carpe Noctem
49. Fredless
50. Billy
51. Offspring
52. Quickening
53. Lullaby
54. Dad
55. Birthday
56. Provider
57. Waiting in the Wings
58. Couplet
59. Loyalty
60. Sleep Tight
61. Forgiving
62. Double or Nothing
63. The Price
64. A New World
65. Benediction
66. Tomorrow
67. Deep Down
68. Ground State
69. The House Always Wins
70. Slouching Toward Bethlehem
71. Supersymmetry
72. Spin the Bottle
73. Apocalypse, Nowish
74. Habeas Corpses
75. Long Day's Journey
76. Awakening
77. Soulless
78. Cavalry
79. Salvage
80. Release
81. Orpheus
82. Players
83. Inside Out
84. Happy Shiny People
85. The Magic Bullet
86. Sacrifice
87. Peace Out
88. Home
89. Conviction
90. Just Rewards
91. Unleashed
92. Hell Bound
93. Life of the Party
94. The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco
95. Lineage
96. Destiny
97. Harm's Way
98. Soul Purpose
99. Damage
100. You're Welcome
101. Why We Fight
102. Smile Time
103. A Hole in the World
104. Shells
105. Underneath
106. Origin
107. Time Bomb
108. The Girl in Question
109. Power Play
110. Not Fade Away

New Torchwood fic: Restless 1/1

2008-03-09T22:18:46Z

Details:
Title: Restless 1/1 (but a bit long at 4000 words)
Author: daedream_fanbot
Rating: PG-13 for minor angst and kissing
Spoilers/Setting: Near-future!fic; general spoilers through 2.09
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Warnings: None. Not dark! Who knew I had it in me? This is unbeta'd so all grammar/spelling mistakes and content inconsistencies are mine.
Summary: A few years later, and things have changed at Torchwood. Ianto is getting restless.

Restless
by daedreams (aka daedream_fanbot)

Ianto Jones twirled the silvery object carelessly in his hands. Such an inconsequential thing. He stood above the Hub, leaning forward on the railing of a metal walkway, watching. Of course, these days there really wasn't that much to watch. Nothing interesting anyway.

From up here he used to be able to see it all. The way Tosh always seemed to know where Owen was, and while at her workstation, she would sort of angle her body in that direction, unconsciously letting him know how open she was to him. Owen had never noticed.

Owen used to never notice anything. He had a hard concentration about him, so when he was working, nothing else existed. It was beautiful to watch, really. Owen had a kind of grace when he moved about his research lab or the medical bay. He would reach for things without looking, because he knew that whatever he needed would be there, and he was never wrong. He moved quick and recklessly, yet was precise and methodical at the same time.

Now, though...well, it wasn't the same. Tosh always knew where Owen was, sure, but now Owen was aware of Tosh. And Tosh didn't watch Owen with the hope that he would see her. She watched him because he needed to be watched. And Owen knew that, as well.

Nothing was the same. Gwen used to come to work every day with an exciting sparkle in her eyes. She was ready to face what the universe threw at her and she wanted desperately to be know more. She couldn't let anything slide by her. She would chase anything and everything out of the ordinary, just so she could be a part of it. A part of something bigger.

Gwen wasn't down below in the Hub now. She didn't come to work every day any more. Of course, she still had a sparkle in her eyes when she did come in, but it was for entirely different reasons. And honestly, Ianto couldn't fault her for that.

Mostly though, Ianto would love to watch Jack. The way he moved around the Hub, checking in with everyone throughout the day. His hands in his pockets as he moved to each workstation, asked questions and listened intently to the answers. Before he left each team member, he would smile and joke and place a soft hand somewhere on their body. Usually the shoulder, but sometimes with Tosh, he would touch the back of her neck and she would smile at the warmth and, for just a few minutes, turn her body away from wherever Owen was.

Jack still wandered around the Hub, but it was without purpose now. He didn't check in with his teammates, anymore. There wasn't anything to check in on.

Ianto used to stand up here, high about the Hub, and even though he was physically separate from them, as he watched them individually and together, he felt connected to them all. He felt like an important part of the team, because he knew them all. He knew everything about them. They were his team and he belonged. This was were he was supposed to be.

But now...

The connection was lost. He came to work every day and went through the motions, but at the end of the day he hadn't accomplished a thing. And neither had anyone else. Jack, Tosh, Owen, sometimes Gwen, and himself, just showing up. Because what else were they going to do?

But why? How did he keep doing this without the purpose? Is this where he belonged?

"Doesn't belong here."

Ianto startled at the voice. Lost in his own mind, he had stopped watching the people below him and therefore not tracked Jack's movements as he had climbed the stairs to Ianto's not-so-secret place.

Standing up straight and turning to look at Jack, he worried for a moment that Jack could read his thoughts, or that he had been thinking out loud, and did Jack really mean it? Did Jack think he didn't belong here either?

Then Jack was pointing. "That. It doesn't belong here."

Ianto looked down at the silvery object in his hand. Heavy, metal object. Pointless. He had completely forgotten that he was holding it, spinning it, almost dropping it. "Yes," Ianto agreed. "I've liberated it from the archives."

"It's just a thing. It wasn't being imprisoned. Just stored."

"It should know the kind of chaos it's caused."

"Chaos?"

"Look." Ianto gestured to the quiet space below them. Tosh was clacking away on her keyboard. God knows what information she was giving the computer, or extracting from it.

Owen moved slowly up the stairs from the medical bay (they used to call it the autopsy bay, but after Owen died, they tried not to use the word 'autopsy' too much anymore - it was just creepy), then limped over to Tosh and lowered himself into a chair. The limp was caused by a brace holding his knee together. Literally holding it together - ever since his last mission, a little over a year ago. He was chasing a Weevil, just a Weevil, nothing too exciting, when he tripped and slammed his leg into a park bench, effectively shattering his knee. Of course, being dead, the incident also shattered his ability to walk properly for the rest of his death. After that, Owen's duties were restricted to inside the Hub. He and Tosh grew even closer. Now all Tosh did was take care of Owen. She didn't seem to mind. Currently, Owen was watching her work, the two of them sitting in comfortable and knowing silence.

To their left, Gwen's workstation had collected a very light coating of dust. Ianto hadn't cleaned it in a few days. He just hadn't felt like doing it. No one noticed.

"It all looks calm enough to me," Jack observed, and Ianto was a little angry with him for not understanding.

"And that doesn't bother you? The boredom. The staleness. It's chaos, Jack, because it's not the way it's supposed to be. There's nothing to do. No reason to be here." Ianto spun the silvery object in his hand again, and leaned forward on the railing. "And it's all this thing's fault."

Ianto felt Jack rest a hand on the back of his shoulder and he flashed back to three years ago. To the first time that Jack had touched him gently like that. They had found each other late one night in the Hub. The tension between them had been palpable. It had only been a few weeks since the incident with Lisa, and they had only just begun to forgive each other. Ianto was telling Jack about some unusual weather patterns he had detected and Jack had placed his hand on Ianto's shoulder while he spoke. It had been the beginning of something.

And now, after so much time, Ianto still got that same tingle under his skin when Jack touched him. It was the one thing that hadn't changed. In the 11 months since the silvery object had fallen through the rift, and everything changed, that one thing hadn't. They were still Jack and Ianto. Still kept each other warm at night, kept the nightmares at bay, and kept up the innovation in the bedroom.

Jack's hand on his shoulder was a comfort, as ever. They had still never said it, but Ianto knew that Jack would always be there for him. Loving him, for as long as Ianto needed it. For as long as Jack could.

"What would happen if I dropped it, Jack?" Ianto tossed the thing up in the air and caught it easily.

Jack shrugged. "Probably nothing. You might dent it."

"Do you think that would do it? If it was damaged, would the rift become active again?"

Jack took hold of Ianto's hips gently, turned him around so they could face each other, then wrapped his arms around Ianto's waist. "Is that what you want? To open the rift?"

"Not open it. Just, you know, stir it up a bit."

Jack kissed Ianto's forehead. "No, Ianto. Damaging it would not activate the rift. When it fell through, it closed the rift behind it. But it's not keeping it closed. Nothing is keeping it closed. It just is."

Ianto brought a hand up and stroked Jack's back, enjoying the feel of being in his lover's embrace. He rested his head on Jack's shoulder. "Why are we still doing this?"

Jack's entire body stiffened in Ianto's arms. "I thought we were doing alright, Ianto? Aren't we in a good place?"

Straightening again, Ianto grinned at Jack's worried face and kissed him purposefully. It went on a little longer than Ianto meant it to, but he got his point across. When they pulled apart, Jack was smiling again. "So, you weren't talking about us?"

"No," Ianto said. He nodded his head toward the Hub below them again. "This. Why are we still Torchwood. Every day. All we do is maintain the archives. Find new ways to catalog old artifacts. It's pointless, and you know it." He dislodged himself from Jack, and leaned on the railing once again, spinning the object, cursing it. "We're as pointless as this thing. There has to be something more. We have to do something. Anything."

Ianto could tell Jack was about to say something, but just then the large round door began it's grating roll to the right as Gwen entered the Hub. Jack patted Ianto on the shoulder and began to walk away. "You coming down to say hello?" he asked as he descended the stairs.

"I'll be there in a minute," Ianto called after Jack. "Just let me put this back where it belongs." Jack nodded and hurried the rest of the way down.

Ianto watched as Jack kissed Gwen on the cheek, then took the tiny infant from her arms and cradled it in his own. "Hello, little Mari," he cooed to the squirming baby. "Did you miss your Uncle Jack?"

Mari immediately grabbed at Jack's chin and everyone laughed. Tosh stepped forward and took the baby from Jack. "Don't keep her all to yourself, Jack. We all want a cuddle."

It continued like that as everyone took a turn fussing over the little child. Ianto wanted to join them, but he couldn't shake this feeling that had been growing inside him for these many months. The feeling that he didn't belong anymore.

He flipped the silvery object into the air and caught it again. He felt numb. He needed to feel useful. Wasn't there something more?

Ianto closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a moment, he began walking down the stairs, toward the archives, to put the offensive object back where it belonged.

~~~~

A few days later, Ianto entered Jack's office to present his boss with a cup of coffee and an envelope. Jack let the envelope sit on his desk, but took the coffee up in both hands. After a moment, Ianto picked up the envelope again and held it out to Jack, practically shoving it in his face.

"No," Jack insisted and swatted at Ianto's hand.

"You don't even know what it is." Ianto was already frustrated with Jack. This was going to be a difficult conversation, and probably the first time since Lisa that he will have disobeyed an order from his boss.

"I know what it is." Jack set the coffee mug down and looked harshly at Ianto. "You think I don't know what's been going on in that pretty head of yours? I know you, Ianto, and the answer is 'no.'" He picked up his coffee again and took a drink, as if that settled everything.

"It's not a question, Jack. It's a resignation."

The striped coffee mug shattered against the metal of the wall safe before Ianto even saw Jack had thrown it. He held his ground as Jack stood and pounded both fists on his desk. They were silent for a moment, then Jack said again, simply, "No."

"I'm not asking permission." Ianto held up the envelope still in his hand and ripped it open. He unfolded the piece of paper inside and placed it on the desk, directly in front of Jack.

Jack closed his eyes tight and slowly lowered himself into his chair. "No," he said again, but much quieter this time and without any punch behind it.

Ianto stepped around the large desk and leaned against it, to Jack's right, a position he had been in many times before. It's how they talked when in this office. Jack in his chair, Ianto against the desk, they revealed so much to each other, without ever having to say the real words. This time, though, the words were too important to skirt around. Someone was going to have to say it.

"I suppose I could order you to stay," Jack said pointedly, but without looking Ianto in the eyes.

"You could," Ianto answered, but Jack said nothing further about that, kindly, so that Ianto would not have to defy him.

The silence dragged on. Jack still wasn't looking at Ianto. Eventually Ianto slid over a few inches on the desk toward his boss and told him, "I have to go."

Jack's head snapped up, and he glared at Ianto. "Why?"

"Jack. You know me. And you know why."

"Tell me anyway. Give me a chance to argue the point."

Ianto sighed heavily. He was so very tired. "We have no reason to be here. Torchwood's purpose is to collect and analyze the alien artifacts that fall through the rift to protect the human race against the future. But nothing is coming through any more. Cardiff is closed for business."

"Not permanently, and you know it. We're not done here. It will happen, and it will happen here."

"Yes, but when? In six months? A year? Five years? And in the mean time, we're just waiting. Holding down the fort like over-paid security guards. Jack," Ianto shook his head, "I can't just exist like this. I'm going mad. Can't you see it's driving me mad?"

Jack didn't answer. Of course he saw it. Jack knew what was happening with every member of his team. Especially Ianto.

Several more minutes passed before Jack placed a hand on Ianto's knee. Ianto knew that the work talk was over. They were going to get personal now.

"How am I going to do this without you?"

"You got along without me just fine before. You don't need me here."

"I wasn't talking about Torchwood."

"Neither was I."

Jack closed his hand tightly around Ianto's knee, almost to the point of pain. "I thought -," Jack's face was contorted with an anguish that Ianto had not seen before. "I thought you wanted to be with me."

Ianto let himself smile a little. "I do. Very much. And if you don't Retcon me, I'm going to miss the hell out of you, Jack."

"I wouldn't Retcon you."

"That's against rules and regulations, sir," Ianto said, slipping back into a formality they hadn't had in many years.

"I don't care. If you go, I'm going to need you to come back."

"Will Torchwood want me back?"

"I'll want you back. I'm going to need you to come back to me."

Ianto leaned down quickly and captured Jack's lips in a hard kiss. They were rarely physical with each other with others present in the Hub, but it hardly mattered anymore. Let Tosh and Owen get an eyeful. Ianto didn't care.

When they finally separated, the look in Jack's eyes broke Ianto's heart. He knew that Jack was done arguing. Ianto had made up his mind to leave, and there was nothing Jack could do to change that. And now Jack knew that, too.

Ianto sat back up, but held tight to Jack's hand, still resting on Ianto's leg. He smiled at Jack, but didn't get one in return. "Where will you go?" Jack asked.

"I've thought about it some, but I'm really not sure, yet. America, maybe? New York. Or perhaps India."

"That's so far."

"I just need to find it. A reason. A purpose. I don't know where it will be, but if I keep looking, then I'm sure to find something. Someplace where I'll be of use."

"But what if-"

"There has to be someplace, Jack. Something."

Suddenly Jack's face changed. It sparkled with thought. His eyes went wide and he smiled his biggest brightest smile. Standing up, Jack took Ianto's face in his hands and kissed him passionately. Ianto knew he must have had a very confused look on his face when Jack finally pulled away.

Laughing, Jack cupped the side of Ianto's head as he said, "I need to make a phone call."

~~~~

A week later, Ianto stood in the middle of the Hub, dabbing the tears from Gwen's face. He found it surprisingly easy to say goodbye to his coworkers. He would miss them, sure, but he felt he had been saying goodbye to them in one way or another during the past year. It was definitely time to move on.

Gwen kissed him on both cheeks, then again hard on the lips until Jack cleared his throat and she had to pull away, not the least bit embarrassed. Ianto turned away from her and took Mari from Tosh's arms, giving the little girl a peck on the forehead before passing her on to her mother.

He embraced Tosh tightly, and they stayed that way for several long minutes. When they pulled apart, Tosh kissed him on the cheek and Ianto placed a hand gently on the back of her neck. He leaned in close to her ear and whispered, "Find some time for yourself, Tosh. You deserve more." As he backed away, Tosh glanced over to Owen and nodded lightly at Ianto, then lowered her head.

Ianto gripped Owen's handshake harder than he should have, but Owen couldn't feel it anyway, so it really didn't matter. "Hope you find the adventure you're looking for," Owen said.

"That's the plan," Ianto assured him. Then he leaned in close to Owen and stage-whispered, "I win."

Owen glared at him for a moment, then smiled broadly and shoved him away. "Bastard."

Jack walked over to Ianto, holding a small suitcase. Ianto turned to face his teammates. He looked at each of them, making sure to imprint their faces and expressions in his head. After all, he had no idea how long he was going to be gone.

With a final smile and nod, Ianto walked out of the Hub, with Jack only a few steps behind.

Blinking in the bright sunlight outside the Information Center, Ianto took his suitcase from Jack.

"You ready?" Jack asked.

"Yes," Ianto answered confidently, though nerves were twisting his stomach into knots.

Jack turned and began walking, with Ianto only a few steps behind. They rounded the corner and there, next to the water tower, looking exactly as Jack had described it, was a blue police box.

Jack was moving faster now. Almost running. Ianto quickened his step to catch up. When they were a few meters away, the door to the box opened, and a thin man in a relaxed brown suit stepped out, closing the door behind him.

Stopping short in front of the man, Jack stood for a moment and just grinned. The man grinned back. "Captain," he said.

"Doctor," Jack responded, and they immediately embraced, holding it for just seconds longer than Ianto was comfortable.

When they pulled apart, they simply looked at each other. Ianto saw the universe pass between their eyes. So much life, so much adventure, so much death, so much love.

Eventually, Ianto cleared his throat, and Jack looked over at him, only slightly embarrassed. "Doctor," he said to his friend, "may I introduce Ianto Jones." Then as an aside he added, "No relation."

The Doctor shook Ianto's hand firmly. "Good to know you, Ianto Jones."

"Doctor," Ianto greeted a bit too formally.

Clapping Ianto on the arm, the Doctor said, "No need to be so stiff, Ianto. Nice suit, though."

Jack beamed at that, and Ianto knew that the choice of wearing this particular suit today was no mistake. His bag may have been packed with his casuals -- jeans, t-shirts, jumpers -- but this suit was Jack's favorite. The Armani dark grey pinstripe with magenta shirt and gunmetal-and-magenta striped tie. It was how he wanted Jack to remember him.

Ianto nodded at the Doctor and tried to physically relax, but wasn't sure if he pulled it off.

The Doctor turned back to Jack. "Was a bit surprised when Martha rang me, Jack. I thought for sure that the world was ending."

"I kinda thought it was. With Ianto wanting to leave." Jack took Ianto's hand, and Ianto felt a bit silly being talked about. "But I figured, if he was with you, then at least you'd get him back to me." He held an accusatory finger out at the Doctor. "Safely."

"Sometimes it can be a bit dangerous traveling with me."

"True," Jack agreed. "But fun."

"I'll be alright." Ianto interjected. "I can take of myself."

Jack pulled Ianto close to him. "I know. But now you'll have two people looking after you. Yourself and the Doctor."

"Are you sure this is the right thing for me?"

"Trust me, Ianto. You'll find what you're looking for with the Doctor." Then Jack's expression changed to one of longing, and he pulled Ianto in for a very tight hug. Ianto clutched at Jack and for the first time during all his plans to leave, Ianto finally began to realize how much he was loosing.

He would miss Jack's smile and his laughter. His touch, both friendly and intimate. The way he listened and reassured. Jack always seemed to know exactly what Ianto needed. Even now, when Ianto needed to move on, Jack had found the perfect way to let him.

They began to let go of each other, but Jack suddenly grabbed his face and kissed him more fiercely than Ianto could remember ever being kissed. The Doctor, the Plass, all of Cardiff fell away from him as Ianto got lost in Jack.

My God, he was going to miss this incredible man. His boss, who had kept him whole these past three years. Kept him sane and loved. Safe and laughing. Jack had been his world for three long years.

Now it was time for Ianto to see what else was out there.

Ianto held on until Jack broke the kiss. They pressed their foreheads together gasping and laughing a little. A voice to the side said, "Wow," and the moment was broken.

Ianto took a step back from Jack and picked up the suitcase he had dropped. The Doctor smiled brightly at him. "You ready?"

"Let's go."

The Doctor open the door to his box slightly and waited. Ianto turned to Jack.

"Bye, Jack."

"I expect to see you back here in...," Jack held up his hand and pushed the top button of the stopwatch he had just nicked from Ianto's pocket during the kiss, "...ten minutes."

Ianto grinned. "And counting?" He then wrapped his fingers around Jack's hand holding the watch. He squeezed, pressing the button and stopping the ticking. "Why don't we say a week? Give you a chance to miss me."

Jack pulled his hand away from Ianto's and placed the stopwatch in his pocket. "I miss you already."

Ianto reached up and brushed his fingers across Jack's cheek, causing the man's eyes to close. "Ianto, I lo--"

"Jack," Ianto interrupted. Jack opened his eyes. "Tell me when I get back."

Ianto turned away. Jack watched as the Doctor opened the door the rest of the way and Ianto stepped inside. The last thing he heard Ianto say before the door closed behind them was, "Oh. It's bigg--"

The End

Torchwood Fic: A Hole in the World

2008-02-24T21:55:32Z

My long-time friends will be wondering what the hell this is, and what the fuck happened to Felon Fodder?? Well, FF is taking a bit of a break as my evasive muse for that one seems to have flown the coop.

Instead, plot bunnies for various other fandoms take its place; more specifically, as I watch series 2 of Torchwood unfold, Ianto/Jack keeps my brain pretty well occupied.

However, I remain as dark as ever. While I adore reading about the near-canon sex-capades of our dear Janto in the fantastic fanfic out there, this one is not quite about sex. Only if you squint.

Details:
Title: A Hole in the World 1/1
Author: daedream_fanbot
Rating: R for violence, nudity, swear words, and sexual situations
Spoilers/Setting: Sometime after S2E5, "Adam"
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Disclaimer: Not mine; no major harm intended; will return when finished, only slightly scathed.
Warnings: THIS IS A DARK FIC. It's what I do. Also, this is unbeta'd so all grammar/spelling mistakes and content inconsistencies are mine.

Summary: Sometimes the hole that is left when memory is erased needs to be filled.

Here you go:

A Hole in the World
by daedreams (aka daedream_fanbot)

Anything could have happened in those two days. Only Rhys was left to fill in the gaps. And he wasn’t much help. Whatever happened to make Gwen forget her fiancee was bad enough that Jack felt they all needed to forget. It was Jack’s signature code on the deleted files. They were all anxious about what had gone on in their missing time. Rhys the only one who felt relief that Gwen, at the very least, remembered him.

With their trust in Jack, however, they pressed on. Clearly they needed to forget. And if this job taught them nothing else, it was to clutch onto what made you feel secure and let the rest just happen.

So on they went. With no looking back.

Except… It was like something heavy on their minds. Not necessary important, but pressing none the less. It worked its way into everything. That feeling that something was missing, that feeling of longing, of love. Of death.

*******

Every night when Gwen unlocked the door and entered her familiar flat, she was startled, just for a moment, that Rhys was standing there. And there, just at the edge of her mind, was a horrible thought. A phrase itching to be spoken. Who the bloody hell are you? was screaming at the stranger in her living room. Then it was gone. And it was just Rhys standing there in his silly frilly apron, or uncorking a bottle of wine, or to give her a peck on the lips and a quick squeeze on the buttocks as he headed out the door for a pint with mates.

Rhys was always there to come home to. Just as he always would be, and had always been. He had said that she had forgotten him for two days. How could she? If there was no Rhys, she would not be able to survive her job. So what was this hole? The gut reaction that Rhys’s existence was wrong. It terrified her. But she pressed on. As she was taught to do. And the hole got a little bigger. And a little darker.

*******

Sometimes, just sometimes mind you, Owen caught himself staring at Tosh. He would blink back to consciousness and discover that he had just spent one or two minutes staring. Usually at the back of her head. Or at her bulky ankles covered by those clunky boots. And occasionally at the curve of her neck, and the way the stray black hairs from her messy up-do whispered across her skin and the way that made her seem far more delicate than he had ever seen her.

At the pubs, late at night, he would chat up certain girls. Young girls of a certain skin color, and frame, and perhaps even with a geek-like quality that never appealed to him in the past. But when he settled on one, the one who would warm his bed for a few hours or his back seat for a few minutes, she would always be the same. Blond. Tall. Flighty. And the other girls never crossed his mind again. Until the next time, and the time after that. Like something out of reach. Like reaching out for something solid but coming up empty. Right there, just to the side, was a hole, dark and lonely. And growing.

*******

It would start in the lift, as it descended from the Tourist Office, every morning coming into work. She could feel it – her heartbeat picking up just a bit. Like something was about to happen. Something good, something exciting. Her breath would quicken and she’d smile. It felt as if she’d been waiting for it all morning, though she knew all she’d really been thinking about was the latest alien artifact they’d found, and the most recent translation formula she’d written.

Even so, every morning, as she stepped from the lift and through the security door, her heart dropped into her stomach with disappointment. It was just the Hub. Jack in his office, brooding over paperwork, Ianto at her side offering coffee, and Owen with his feet up on his desk, surfing the internet for god-knows-what. A few minutes later, Gwen would enter behind her, with a cheerful greeting for everyone and a silly Rhys-induced smile on her face. It was the same every morning. So why did it feel so empty? What was she expecting to happen when she came into the Hub? Something more. Something warm. Someone. Someone who wanted her. Someone was missing. Someone who was meant to fill this expanding hole in her heart. This dark black hole. She was lonelier than ever.

*******

Jack watched his team. Watched them closely. Just in case. But they were fine. Whatever had happened in those two days hadn’t changed anything. So why was he so weary? They were in good spirits. Optimistic. Had gotten over the missing time, as he told them to. Pressed on.

Jack was proud. Surely they weren’t feeling as empty as he was. That something more than just forty-eight hours was wiped away. There were a few parts of Jack’s long long life that he had forgotten -- whether it was due to retcon, or regretful nights of over-indulgence, or just not enough space in his brain to recall it all. But there was something more. Something was missing that was there before. Sort of. Like it had been repressed. But he missed it now. He would reach deep for the memory, but there were no hints. No blurry edges, No…grains of sand. Like a hole. Spread wide across an ocean and covering the beach evermore as a tide flowed further and further up the land. This hole was wide and deep. And Jack feared its darkness. Its nothingness.

*******

Ianto walked home in the rain. Every night he walked home in the rain. Whether it was raining or not. But tonight was different. Tonight he wasn’t watching the shadows. He wasn’t searching for the perfect moment, his insides craving a certain touch, a certain need. No, tonight his mind was on other things. Tonight Jack was coming over for dinner.

It was silly to be so anxious. It’s not like he and Jack hadn’t been doing this for the last couple of months. They’d been out to dinner. They’d been out to the pubs. They took in a movie once. They had been back to Ianto’s many many times. Shagged in just about every room in the flat. But tonight was different. Tonight it was going to change. And for the life of him, Ianto couldn’t figure out why.

*******

There was a knock at the door. Fuck. He’s early. Who shows up early? Inconsiderate prick. Ianto opened the door to offer Jack a scowl.

Jack’s bright smile faded. “What?”

“You’re early,” Ianto informed him while stepping aside to clear the doorway.

"Am I?" Jack smiled again, holding up his wrist strap as he crossed the threshold into the flat. “This gorgeous piece of technology is many things. However, a watch it is not,” he said, ignoring the actual watch on his other wrist, clearly so he could make the quip.

Ianto grinned to spite himself, and walked past Jack back into the kitchen. Jack relieved himself of his cumbersome coat, tossing it across the back of the couch, and followed Ianto.

Perched atop the kitchen counter as Ianto poured them each a small tumbler of scotch, Jack sniffed the air. “Smells amazing,” he commented, talking the drink from Ianto. After a sip he added, “What’s for dinner?”

Ianto had returned to chopping tomatoes for a simple salad. “What else would one man be making another man for their first domestic dinner together?”

Jack tilted his head to the side, narrowed his eyes and studied Ianto's face as if all the answers in the world were written there. Displaying his cheesiest smile, he responded, “Frozen lasagna?”

The tomatoes were added to the salad, and Ianto looked up. “Bingo.”

Jack set down his glass and hopped off the counter. He stepped up behind Ianto and wrapped his arms tight around the young man’s waist, burying his face in Ianto’s freshly-washed hair. Ianto let Jack hold up his entire weight as he fell back into him, relaxing into those strong arms. Jack squeezed hard for a moment, then let go and spun Ianto around to face him. He leaned down and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Perfect," he said.

Ianto reached up and ran his fingers through Jack's hair. Yeah, tonight was special alright. But was this why? Because it was their first "homemade" dinner? Seemed such a simple thing. A tiny milestone. Perhaps it was something more. Was there a plan? Events, set into motion, destined to culminate this very night. Ianto couldn't recall. He kissed Jack again, harder this time and with more promise. Ianto lost himself in the kiss, as he did many times before.

They broke apart when the oven timer began to buzz. "Dinner's ready," Jack said with a remarkable amount of composure.

"What?" Ianto looked honestly confused.

"Dinner." Jack pointed to the still-buzzing oven. "Food. Meaty-goodness. The meal you slaved over all evening."

Snapping back to reality, Ianto wiggled out from under Jack's grasp and clicked off the timer. Steam filled the kitchen as Ianto opened the oven and pulled out the bubbling lasagna with pink and green floral oven mitts his sister had given him as a flat-warming joke.

He unceremoniously slammed the cheap tinfoil pan onto the stove-top and whipped off the mitts. Gesturing proudly at the steaming dish, he grinned at Jack. "Voila!"

*******

Forty-five minutes later, they were on more familiar territory. Ianto's bed. Jack on his back with Ianto hovering over him, setting to work. Ianto was already half naked, his jumper and t-shirt being remarkably easy for Jack to tear off.

Ianto was more careful with Jack's shirt. Methodically unsecuring each button and placing a wet kiss on every inch of new skin exposed. He knew that Jack purposely refrained from his usual undershirt when planning an evening with Ianto. Jack liked this particular method of foreplay. The slow burn. The anticipation. Soon, the shirt would be gone, and Ianto will have kissed and licked every part of Jack's chest. But right now, the shirt was only half open. Jack's eyes, wide and dark, were watching Ianto with hunger and need.

Ianto glanced up at Jack's face and stopped in mid-lick. He tucked his tongue back into his mouth and shimmied up Jack's body until they were face to face.

Jack's breath caught. "Why'd you stop?"

Ianto tried to find it. The reason. He was normally very careful. Very precise. But tonight was different. And he had no idea what was going to happen next.

He leaned down to whisper heavily in Jack's ear. "Something new." He closed his eyes, feeling hot skin on his lips as Jack's entire face reddened at the prospect. "I crave," he gasped, and Jack's body shook beneath him.

"Yessss," Jack hissed back, and Ianto captured Jack's tongue as it spoke, turning the word into a moan.

Ianto broke the kiss too soon. Jack reached up for him as Ianto pulled away. He swatted away Jack's hands and grabbed hold of the partially open shirt. In one quick pull, Jack's upper body was completely exposed and five buttons could be heard bouncing off every surface in the room.

Jack was panting now. Eyes roaming over Ianto like he had never seen him before. Quick work was made of the rest of their clothes, Ianto tossing them aside like they were dirty and unimportant. Except for one item. Through it all, Ianto managed to keep Jack's braces within reach. And now, naked and wanting, needing, Ianto didn't pause before snatching up those braces and wrapping them tightly around Jack's wrists, then around one of the slats of the wooden headboard.

Finally he stilled, straddling the figure beneath him, balls resting against hardness that seemed wanted and unimportant at the same time. He ran his hands across the chest and up the arms, then back down again, resting on a firm waist. He smiled.

"Liking the new," it spoke, and Ianto startled. "May I make one tiny reque--" it tried to say, but Ianto placed a finger on its lips and it was silenced.

He took in the body beneath him hungrily. It was somehow not what he expected, but welcomed all the same. He finally looked down and noticed his own hard-on. He grasped it and started stroking, understanding this was good, better even then before. Below him was a groan and Ianto looked at its hard and dark eyes. Ianto's smile broadened and he asked himself out loud, "Should I fuck it?"

A shadow passed over its eyes briefly, but then they sparkled and it nodded. The enthusiasm confused Ianto. His smile fell away and his hand stopped stroking and instead flew up and slapped the face hard. "What the fuck!" it shouted and Ianto punched it this time.

"Ianto! Stop it!" he heard, and was almost thrown off of it when it bucked its hips up. Ianto stretched out across the body and hooked his ankles around its calves, slowing its movements. He slammed a hand over its mouth, fingers digging into its cheek.

"Shhhhh," Ianto whispered. "Just a game, love," he heard himself say. "Don't worry. I'll take care of you." He took his hand off the mouth and it tried to speak, but Ianto shook his head.

It was confused. It was worried. It was scared. Ianto smiled again.

He stroked the cheek where his fingers had left a red mark. Traced the jaw line, down under the chin, and finally both hands landed on the flesh of the neck. He stroked there and his heart beat loud against his chest. Yes. This is it. Finish it.

As he began to squeeze, the dark walls of the hole rose up around him and he found light above shining down and it showed him how good it was. It was fighting him, and yelling, but Ianto didn't let go. He just squeezed harder and he was giddy and happy and it was good.

Then he felt it. The life in his hands begin to fade. It stopped shouting, and stopped squirming, and the glow in its eyes clouded over. And Ianto held on. Drawing it into him. The life, the goodness, the need, the control. All his. And he wasn't sharing.

Soon it was still. The air, the room, the body. Ianto let go and admired his work. He got up gracefully off the bed and found his jeans. Partially dressed, he picked up his phone from the night stand and flipped it open. Time to call him. Time to clean up.

But he couldn't remember the number. There was no one to call. That didn't seem right. Why wasn't he there? Who would help him now. He looked at the body on the bed.

Jack's body.

Ianto dropped the phone. Jack's dead body, trussed up and naked on Ianto's bed. He scampered onto the bed and released Jack's bound wrists, watching his arms fall heavy to the mattress.

Then he climbed off the bed again, found the darkest corner of his bedroom, sat on floor and hugged he knees to his chest. And waited.

A few minutes later, Jack gasped and his eyes flew open. Coughing, he rubbed at his neck. He sat up and look frantically around the room, glare finally landing on Ianto. "You killed me."

"Yeah," Ianto answered slowly.

"Ianto." Jack moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "Are you alright?"

Ianto glanced around the room, seemingly looking for the answer to Jack's question outside of himself. All he saw was the room. And Jack, sitting naked on his bed, with bruises starting to form on his neck. Ianto got up and sat beside Jack. He reached up and touched his lover's damaged skin.

Jack let him for a moment, then grabbed his hand. With his other hand, Jack took hold of Ianto's chin, forcing Ianto to look him in the eye. "Why'd you kill me, Ianto?"

Closing his eyes, Ianto took a deep breath and thought. Searched the depths of his mind for the hole that had been haunting him, keeping him in the rain. Keeping him hunting and empty. But it wasn't there. The hole was full. It was complete. He had found something. That missing piece.

He looked at Jack again. "Because I needed to remember."

Ianto began to shake and Jack wrapped secure arms around him, pulling him to Jack's chest. "Remember what?"

Clutching at Jack's warming body, Ianto search desperately for that evasive haunting memory. His fear calmed and a final wholeness spread through his body as he answered, "I don't know."

The End

Anyone want to know me? This is it. Exactly.

2008-02-06T16:47:12Z

You're the time of day right around sunrise, when the sky is still a pale bluish gray. The streets are empty, and the grass and leaves are a little bit sparkly with dew. You are the sound of a few chirpy birds outside the window. You are quiet, peaceful, and contemplative. If you move slowly, it's not because you're lazy – it's because you know there's no reason to rush. You move like a relaxed cat, pausing for deep stretches that make your muscles feel alive. You are long sips of tea or coffee (out of a mug that's held with both hands) that slowly warm your insides just as the sun is brightening the sky.

16% of the people who took this quiz got the same evaluation.

Friends meme

2008-01-23T18:44:13Z

I don't usually do memes but this was just too good to pass up.

Look! It's all of you.

My LiveJournal Friends

kara1997riggershh_6shade_loo

Try out this Meme

Brought to you by NardVille

I'M BACK!! - Felon Fodder, Chapter 15 - One-on-Ones

2007-11-01T18:31:05Z

I owe just about everything to Master Whedon these days. In this case, it's the news that Joss is returning to TV that has inspired me to get my act together and finish this frakkin' story.

I've had this chapter done for awhile now, but haven't posted because the next chapter isn't complete. But I've had such wonderful feedback lately from people just discovering this fic, that I'm making the time to get it done.

For those of you who read this story as it was posted, it's been many many months since the last chapter. I would recommend, if you have the time, to go back and read from the beginning, or at least the last few chapters, because this installment is written a little differently. Those of you who read my other fics Backfire and Listening & Lies know that I'm a fan of the dialog-only scenes. This chapter is mostly all dialog, with no "stage direction." If you don't know the characters, you may be a little confused. I didn't mean to start back up after a long hiatus with something so confusing - it just happened that way.

Anyway...

Felon Fodder, Chapters 1-14

Previously on Felon Fodder:

Not since his time with Cordelia did Xander have so much fun kissing. This was different though because he didn’t feel like a teenager. He felt like a grown man making a very deliberate decision to share his passion with another man.

And the kisses were intense, but not mind-blowing. And he was hard, but not achingly. They were warm, but not overheated. Their hands roamed, but stayed above the clothes and only brushed lightly over new territory. They didn’t let it worry them, and neither pushed for anything more. It was a comfort. A comfort with no promises.

They would come up for breath from time to time, and Spike asked more questions about the demon and Watcher. Finally he said, “I just think it’s a little odd that a watcher shows up right when we need his services. Don’t you think we should probably check this guy out, somehow?”

Xander agreed. “I’ll call Giles tomorrow. Tell him about the Big Bad and see what he can dig up about Watcher.”

The kissing grew softer as the night fell deeper and soon they were asleep, foreheads pressed together, each with a satisfied smile.

Neither one of them noticed the beam of light that normally shown into their house was being blocked by a large figure at the window, watching. Quietly. Patiently.

Chapter 15 - One-on-Ones

“Collect call from Ely State Penitentiary for Rupert Giles. Will you accept the charges?”

“Dear Lord. Yes! Yes, operator, I accept. Xander?”

“Hi, Giles.”

“Oh, God. I’ve been so worried. You haven’t called. You haven’t written anyone back. Are you alright?”

“I’m in prison, Giles. Not summer camp.”

“Xander--”

“It’s okay. I’m fine. Really.”

“Dawn’s been wanting to send you some things, but you never wrote back to tell her what is allowed. Have you received the letters?”

“I got them. I cherish them. Tell her and Willow that I’m sorry for not writing back. I will. And I’ll try and explain it to them. But right now I’ve only got ten minutes and these calls are randomly recorded, so listen to me, okay?”

“Yes, yes. Go ahead.”

“I need information. Scooby info. Understand?”

“…Yes. What do you need?”

“Started six months ago. It got three. No discernable pattern or method, taking seemingly random internal parts. It’s got heart, lung, and kidneys. Last one was left a mass of muscle. Nothing else. It’s super-quiet, and it’s possible that locks don’t bother it. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“I’m doing my own research here, but my resources are limited. Send me anything you can. I can receive books, up to ten.”

“Anything else?”

“Find out what you can about a retired watcher named Otis Walker. Do you know the name?”

“No, but I’ll see what I can find.”

“Okay. Thanks.” *sigh* “How are you, Giles? And our women? Tell me everyone is good.”

“Everyone is good, Xander. We miss you. We worry about you so much.”

“I’m holding my own.”

“Xander, I’m still looking for the girl. However, there’s not much to go on. Just your description.”

“I know it’s not a high priority. But I do appreciate it.”

“You’re wrong, it is the highest priority. It’s just that…there were no fingerprints, no trace, no evidence of her at all.”

“Now you’re sounding like the Las Vegas CSI.”

“Yes, I suppose I am.”

“My time’s almost up. I have to go. You’ll be research-guy for me?”

“Of course. Son… I’m not fond of you taking on this thing by yourself.”

“Not to worry, Giles. I’m not alone.”

~~~~

“Checkmate.”

“Fuck! Why on earth did I think that I could learn this fucking game?”

“Hey, I beat you in twenty moves that time. That’s three more than last time. You’re getting better!”

“Whatever.”

“Wanna play again?”

“Sure. So, how’s the infirmary working out for you?”

“It’s great! Most of the time I just sit and talk with Jackie. We play chess and sometimes cards with Nurse Adams.”

“But what do you do? What’s your job?”

“Oh, Nurse Adams lets me double check his work. Things like paperwork before it’s filed, or prescriptions before they’re picked up. Stuff like that. Sometimes I make sure the drugs and supplies are organized properly. And I play orderly to the occasional sick inmate.”

“How do you know about that kind of thing? I mean, how do you know about the proper drugs and medical forms.”

“My dad was sick when I was growing up. Mom wasn’t around, so I took care of things. Him. Then my little brother Scott turned up positive when he was seventeen and I tried to get him to take his meds but he just kept doing drugs, the wrong kind, and eventually everyone was gone.” *shrug* “Anyway, that’s when I learned about that stuff.”

“I’m sorry, man.”

*shrug* “Your move.”

“Oh. Yeah.

…

“That’s a thing you like to do, isn’t it, Numbers?”

“What thing?”

“Help people.”

“D’know.”

“If you knew that some people, people here in Ely, were in trouble - would you want to help?”

“Suppose if I could, I would.”

“Even if it was kinda dangerous?”

“Are people dying?”

“Yes.”

“And if I help, even if it was dangerous, would it help people not die?”

“That’s the theory.”

“I don’t like it when people I love die.”

“These may be people you don’t even know, or don‘t like at all.”

“Don’t suppose that matters. I’m sure somebody loves them.”

“Again, that’s the theory.”

“I’ll help if you need me.”

“I’ll let you know.”

“Checkmate.”

“Fuck.”

~~~~

“Hey, BigBob. Where’s Justin?”

“He wanted a shower. Gator and Jesus are with him. Can I talk to you for a second, Harris?”

“Sit down. What’s up?”

“I’m worried about the kid.”

“Yeah?”

“He’s having pretty bad nightmares.”

“I woke up in a cold sweat more than once when I first got here.”

“Yeah, but he wakes up screaming. Just screaming and screaming, and he won’t let me near him to calm him down. It goes on forever.”

“Fuck, that’s Justin? That screaming’s been waking us up every night for the past week. Do you know what the nightmares are about? Is it Two Tear?”

“I ask him about it in the mornings, but he pretends not to know what I’m talking about. I was hoping…”

“You want me to talk to him?”

“He likes you. He trusts you. Maybe you can help.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

~~~~

“This is so fucking pointless!”

“Nothing in that one, either, I take it?”

“Christ, Watcher, there’s nothing in any of them. Where’d you get these books? Extinct Demons ‘R’ Us?”

“You know as well as anyone that most of the useful texts were blown up with the Council. Or the Sunnydale Crater swallowed them. Or were lost when Wolfram & Hart went belly up.”

“You’re just chock-full of positive thinking, aren’t you?”

“Rupert Giles hasn’t found anything, yet?”

“I called again at lunch, but he wasn’t available. He’s supposed to send something if he finds it.”

“Well, I must admit, that this entire exercise does seem a bit futile.”

“Wow, Watcher. Your British is showing.”

“Is it? It’s been a while since I’ve been able to stretch my watcher-muscles. Feels good, actually. I’m sorry my books don’t have the demon we’re looking for. Can you think of any other resource that might be available to us?”

“Well, Spike’s been talking with Gator. Trying to find out about the previous victims. Maybe they had something in common that’s attracting our beastie. It’s hard to keep Gator on one tangent, though, and he doesn’t like to speak of the dead. So, you know, challenging.”

“Who’s this, then?”

“Gator. He’s kinda our eyes and ears.”

“Yes, yes. Gator runs one the stores. Your building, I believe. I meant, who’s this Spike character?”

“Holy, fuck. I haven’t told you about Spike. All the booky mold must be rotting my brain. Spike’s my cellie.”

“Spike. Why does that name sound so familiar to me?”

“Oh, man, you ready for a story?”

“Dear Lord, anything that will allow me a break from these books.”

“William Pratt. AKA William the Bloody. AKA Spike. Part of the infamous vampire clan Aurelius. Member of the Scourge of Europe. The Slayer of Slayers. Master vampire. One time lover of the Chosen One. Ensouled vampire. One of two survivors of the Los Angeles Last Stand. Recently human. My cellmate. My friend.”

“Oh. That Spike.”

~~~~

“Am I in trouble?”

“What? No! Why do think that?”

“Every time my dad took me into his office for a ‘talk,‘ it was because I’d done something wrong.”

“I’m not your dad, Justin. And this isn’t my office. It’s my house. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Listen, I just wanted to talk because BigBob and I are concerned. About you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Haven’t even told you why yet.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sit back down. Why are you all jumpy?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Justin, sit down. I wish I knew what you were so afraid of. Here’s something you need to know about me. I want all my friends to be happy. Okay, I get that that is a weird concept in this place, but we do the best we can. So when I hear about you having nightmares that throw you into screaming fits, then it keeps me unsettled and distracted until I can do something about it. So, please, help me out here, buddy. Tell me what the dreams are about, so I can at least pretend to help.

…

“Please?”

“I’m not an idiot.”

“Of course not. I only surround myself with smart people. Justin, I may not be able to help. But I am your friend, and I want you to trust me.”

“I do trust you.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“Nobody knows.”

“What? You’re whispering, Justin, I can’t hear you.”

“Nobody knows.”

“Nobody knows what?”

“What I saw. What I did.”

“Tell me. Then you won’t have to carry it yourself.

…

“I won’t stop being your friend. I promise.”

“I thought I was dreaming when I heard the screams. That’s why I didn’t get up right away. Maybe…maybe if I did, then I would have been able to stop it from happening. Maybe.

“I had gone to bed early that night, ‘cause I had a track meet in Laughlin the next day. Dad always stayed up to all hours, but I don’t know why Mom was still up. Dad was still screaming when I finally came out of my room. I didn’t have a weapon or anything with me. I kept a baseball bat next to my bed, but I didn’t bring it with me. I just walked out of my room with nothing to help, nothing to protect them. And I saw my mother standing at the end of the hall. And I called out to her, but she didn’t answer. And I noticed that she was just kinda floating there, and her head was flopped down, and she was kinda shaking all over, and that’s when I heard the laughter, and that’s when I saw the guy standing behind her. He was holding her up off the floor. Then he let go and Mom crumpled to the ground, and I saw his face.

“His face. It was all wrinkled and bumpy and his eyes were glowing. And he laughed and laughed and said, ‘There you are. Knew I heard somebody else. Was this your mommy? Polite woman, she was. Helpful. Sweet. A little spicy.’

“Then he stepped over her and came toward me. He just strolled down the hall real slow, and I just stood there. ‘Cause I wasn’t thinking. I couldn’t think, and I couldn’t move. Then he was standing in front of me, and he reached out and stroked my cheek with his fingers and they were wet and warm. When he pulled away he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them and groaned and that’s when I realized that it was blood. Then I saw the dark pool that my mom was crumpled in and it was her blood. And I stood there and stared at my mom. Then I stared at the man, licking and sucking his own fingers.

“Then he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me close to him. And I still couldn’t move. Then he licked my face. That’s when I pushed him. I screamed and pushed him, and he stumbled back a couple steps and I ran down the hall and tripped over my mom and fell down.

“And that’s when I saw my dad in the living room. He was laying on the couch. Our white couch and it was red now. And there was a woman laying on top of him, and she was kissing his neck. But not really. She wasn’t really kissing him. And he wasn’t moving, but she was. Writhing and squirming. Moaning. I hadn’t realized that I’d stood up until a pair of arms slid around me, locking my arms to my sides. ‘Look what I found.’ the guy said, and the woman looked up, and her face was bumpy, too. She grinned and blood dripped from her mouth. From her fangs. And she said, ‘Dessert.’”

~~~~

“Bloody hell. And he never told anyone?”

“Who would he tell?”

“How did he get away?”

“Said that they toyed with him a bit. Coated him in his parents’ blood. Both kissed him goodbye, then left.”

“Odd. Vampires who frame a human to take the fall. Don’t see that very often.”

“Poor kid was traumatized. He confessed to the murders rather than relive it. Maybe now that he’s told the story, he’ll be able to sleep.”

“Yeah, but in here. Kid doesn’t deserve this.”

“I know.

…

“Do that again.”

“What? This?”

“Mmm. I like when you touch me there.”

Xander was stretched out on his back, arms resting above his head, while Spike laid beside him on his side, fingers skating lightly over Xander’s body. Xander had lost his undershirt at some point during the conversation, and his boxers had slid down to just below his hips, exposing the tip of his erection. He wasn’t self-conscious about it. He could feel a matching hardness under Spike’s boxers pressing into his hip.

Spike’s fingers had found their way to the front of Xander’s hip. That sensitive area where leg met pelvis. Xander remembered that spot being ticklish when women had touched him there, but there was something in Spike’s caress that made him want to moan instead of giggle.

A piece of his brain told him that it was inappropriate to allow the naughty touching while discussing Justin’s tragedy, but “right time and place” had little meaning in Ely State Prison. You took what you could get, when you could get it.

Xander turned his head to look at his cellie as Spike pressed his fingers a little harder into Xander’s flesh. The conversation about Justin seemed to be over. Spike’s eyes had clouded over a bit and Xander felt Spike’s hips thrust forward a little.

The hand at Xander’s hip slid across his skin and the fabric of his boxers was pushed away as Spike wrapped his fingers around Xander’s penis. Xander closed his eye, threw his head back and gasped. With all the touching they had done in the last week or so, this was the first time that Spike had fully embraced him. Encased warmly in a strong hand.

With his eye stilled closed, he felt Spike lean forward a bit, then hot breath was against his ear. “Is this okay?”

Xander grinned a little and tried to come up with a reason why it shouldn’t be okay. Clearly this was supposed to be wrong. Wasn’t it? What made this any more right or wrong than any of the previous touching? But when Spike stroked his thumb up and down his full length, Xander broke into a hot sweat, and instead of answering he thrust up into Spike’s hand.

Suddenly Spike’s lips and hand were both gone. Xander’s eye shot open and he opened his mouth, prepared to chastise Spike for being a tease. But what he saw caused his brain to seize up and the only language that found its way to his mouth was, “Gah.”

Spike had lifted that gorgeous hand to his mouth, and was now wetly licking his own palm. It made a yummy slurp sound, and Xander almost came from the sight of it. When the now-slick hand came back to his dick, Xander thrust up into it immediately.

His body completely took over at that point. He vaguely felt Spike moving his hand along with his thrusts, but mostly he was just happy to push forward toward climax. His right hand came down from over his head to land on the back of Spike’s neck and he knew his fingers were pressing too hard into Spike’s flesh, but he could bring himself to care.

It wasn’t long before he spilled over the edge and he heard a noise in the room that sorta sounded like “Spike,” but that might have been in his head.

When the world came into focus again, Spike had already wiped his hand on Xander’s boxers and was now caressing Xander’s neck and cheek. When their eyes finally met, Spike pulled Xander toward him and captured his mouth in a hard kiss that left Xander completely at the mercy of Spike’s tongue.

Spike made grunting noises into Xander’s mouth as he ground his still covered erection into Xander’s exposed hip. It only took a few quick pumps and Spike was sharing Xander’s bliss. The kiss softened a bit, but their lips remained locked.

At some point, Spike finally pulled away. Xander realized he was still grasping the back of Spike’s neck and loosened his grip, but didn’t take his hand away. Xander searched Spike’s face, hoping that the right words to say would be etched somewhere there, but found nothing except flushed smooth skin and a slight uncertainty.

So instead of speaking, Xander smiled and was greeted with a smirk that was so Spike-like, that a part of Xander suddenly screamed, Vampire!

Fortunately, his mind cleared pretty quickly and he sighed sleepily, pulling Spike’s head down to rest on his chest.

Later…

The clank of the lock and scrape of metal sliders were so sudden, that Xander incorporated them into his dream. But because the dream was about him and Sharon waltzing in the desert, the sound made no sense. It took a violent steel-toed kick to the bed-slab, to rouse him from REM-state, and only then did he notice the burly C.O. towering over Spike and himself, entwined in each other’s arms, Xander’s boxers resting below his hips.

Burly C.O. slammed his nightstick into Xander’s cum-stained stomach. “Get up, faggot!”

TBC...in Chapter 16 - A Threat, or Possibly a Clue

This is soooo SHINY!

2007-09-28T20:44:01Z

Got this from electrcspacegrl...

When will FOX cancel me? Almost immediately!

Your Score: Half a Season

( 53 Costs, 40 Reception, and 53 Cult Appeal )

You were a show with a vision. You wanted to be something magical on the television landscape. You wanted to make art, and you weren't willing to spare the expense to make your vision come alive. And it was beautiful. You found people who loved your dreams and came along for the ride. But by and large, the rest of the audience just didn't click with you. Despite the efforts of your loyal fans, FOX couldn't justify the ratings and pulled the plug after just half a season. But even if your time was brief, you know that in the hearts of your followers, you will never be forgotten.

Link: The When Will FOX Cancel You? Test written by hashtable on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Meme from my flist

2007-07-18T00:30:57Z

Google "'your name' needs" and post the results...

Had to alter mine from "daedreams needs" to "daydreams need", but a quick revert back to my name and I got these:

daedreams needs to be integrated with your ideas

daedreams needs to not be limited by finances

daedreams needs to not be analyzed

daedreams needs relief

daedreams needs an outlet *somewhere*

daedreams needs to not continue entirely unfulfilled

daedreams needs to be housed in a safe environment

daedreams needs to be realistic

How perfect if that?!

daedream_fanbot @ 2007-06-13T11:59:00

2007-06-13T19:08:20Z

We're 9 days away from Portland's Serenity screening to benefit Equality Now, so now's the time to buy your tickets and merchandise.

Don't live in Portland, Oregon? Find a screening near you! Can't Stop the Serenity

Portland's charity screenings will be held on Friday, 22 June (an evening show), and Saturday, 23 June (a matinee), at the historic Hollywood Theatre. While primarily a benefit for Equality Now, 10% of ticket proceeds will go to support the Women's Film Initiative.

Tickets are $13 in advance and $18 at the door on the day of show. Friday, 22 June, doors open for pre-screening activities at 7:00 PM and programming begins at 8:00 PM. Saturday, 23 June (Joss' birthday), doors open for pre-screening activities at 1:00 PM and programming begins at 2:00 PM.